World-class, cutting-edge gobbledygook

Yesterday I sent out a tweet "Gobbledygook alert!!" pointing to the web site of Ossk Interactive, which has this gem on the homepage.

"We’re dedicated to providing results oriented, cost efficient solutions for customer outreach by employing existing and proprietary technologies that maximize exposure and obtain a leadership position in your market through the use of E-Ossk, our interactive digital outreach system."

I asked my Twitter followers "What does this company do?" And I was surprised at the number of responses. Some clever, some cynical, and some helpful. (Some even tried to guess what the company does.)

In the helpful category, Elge Premeau points us to another homepage, this one from Blackwater.

"Blackwater Worldwide efficiently and effectively integrates a wide range of resources and core competencies to provide unique and timely solutions that exceed our customers' stated needs and expectations.

We are guided by integrity, innovation, and a desire for a safer world. Blackwater Worldwide professionals leverage state-of-the-art training facilities, professional program management teams, and innovative manufacturing and production capabilities to deliver world-class, customer-driven solutions.

Our corporate leadership and dedicated family of exceptional employees adhere to essential core values- chief among these are integrity, innovation,excellence, respect, accountability, and teamwork."

Now, I'm not saying that the language used by Blackwater and Ossk Interactive is incorrect. The rule is that you should write using the language that your buyer personas use. So it might very well be that these sites are well written. Since I'm not the buyer persona, I wouldn't know. Possibly their potential customers react positively to the writing. Does it really matter that I do not understand?

Amanda helpfully points us to a post from Hall Web Services 9 Out of 10 Small Businesses Do Not Say What They Actually Do

Got any examples of world-class, cutting-edge, gobbledygook to share?

For a longer discussion about writing and language, please take a look at my free ebook The Gobbledygook Manifesto

Some great additional analysis from Bill Hunt in his post Public Relations, Nonsense and Gobbldygook. Real best-of-breed stuff here!

Comments

[Bill Hunt]

David, touché!: http://www.muddyclay.com/2008/12/12/public-relations-nonsense-and-gobbldygook/

[Dave Barnhart]

You have a great idea, David. Just as there are sites called "Websites That Suck" and "Jumped the Shark", You should start a blog named "Gobbledygook Manifesto", invite reader to send you examples they encounter, and publish he best of them. It would be a riot.

[Richard Becker]

David,

These are great examples, and go a long way in underpinning why I always list "what does your company do?" as one of the most difficult to answer questions proposed by the media.

Many people don't really know what their companies do, and if they do, their answers vary from one employee to the next. Sometimes, their answers are even wrong.

Thank you for the chuckle this morning.

All the best,
Rich

[Ron Mlller]

David,
Like your post the other day, this isn't even really Web 2.0, it's Web 101. Job One of a web site is to tell us what you do (in clear language, not business babble) and to let us know how to contact you. It's surprising how many sites fail at those simple tasks. Just shows how much work there is to be done in terms of educating business about the benefits of what you preach in your books.

But for goodness sakes, people, first and foremost clearly state your business in words the average person understands.

Ron Miller
By Ron Miller Blog
http://byronmiller.typepad.com

[Leigh Anne Wallace]

Hi David,

I was just fighting this battle this morning. We are trying to name a new product and the engineering guys want to name it something that I think is too long and just a bunch of gobbledygook. We sell to marketers, so I am our buyer persona. If I don't get it, and I work here, how are our buyers going to get it? Describing your business/products/services using Gobbledygook is one thing but actually using it to name your products takes it to a whole new level. I am trying to fight the good fight.

Leigh Anne

[Matt Ambrose]

Words chosen because they sound impressive are often used for the benefit of the board, rather than the reader. Overused marketing words and phrases can also sound like cliches, and an alternative to genuine thought.

Clear, concise writing, which communicates rather than confuses, should be the first aim. Trying to sound impressive should be secondary.

[DaveMurr]

Wow! I got a headache reading what those companies "do".

I don't blame. I mean say you've been writing things like those intro's for so long because, thats how it was done. Well along comes social media and changes the game.. well pretty close overnight. Its not surprising to me that there may be a few who fumble with the changes required to play by the new rules.

I clearly remembering having to write my 1st Press Release.

1)I never wrote one before and 2) having played in social media for a bit, figured it would be a good idea to see how things change.

I think its step two that a lot of companies skip - take some time to see what, if anything, has changed.

[Fred]

Wonderful. It's like gobbledeegook is the smokescreen for companies that don't want to get down to it about what they do. Reminds me of Orwell's "Politics and the English Language" http://www.mtholyoke.edu/acad/intrel/orwell46.htm

[Laura Bergells]

Steelcase makes office furniture.

Would you know it by their current home page at steelcase.com ???

Their competitor, hermanmiller.com -- not much better. But at least they mention "furniture" in tiny, grey print. Once.

[Ari Herzog]

Maybe I'm more paranoid than you, David, but I don't care for mission statements written in the scope of the buyer. I say this because I am every company's buyer; while *I* may not be purchasing the product, I probably know someone who does, or one of my friends knows someone who does. Concentric circles. In this economy, who wouldn't take a sale?

Thus, don't write a mission statement for the target demographic. Write a press release for the 10-year-old to read quickly and summarize to his mother over dinner. If the preteen can't understand it, good luck explaining it to mom.

[David Meerman Scott]

Ari - I've never talked about mission statements. Ever. I don't believe in them. Mission statements are always egotistical.

I do think that all Web content needs to be written for buyers and needs to focus on helping them solve problems.

[Mario Sanchez Carrion]

David:
Last week I did some research on mission statements of Fortune 500 companies and was amazed to see how most of them didn't make any sense (plenty of gobbledygook there...). I also found a few good ones. I wrote an article about it on my blog (I'm linking my name to it, just in case somebody wants to read it).

Thanks.

[MagsMac]

Great post. Death Sentences by Don Watson provides some great rules for getting the gobbledygook our of your language. you should read it!

[woodworking projects for childrens rooms]

Wonderful. It's like gobbledeegook is the smokescreen for companies that don't want to get down to it about what they do.

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