Holy Crap-A-Rooni -- I've been busted by Nick Selby!

I hate when I have to fill out those damn registration forms for the 50 or so conferences and events I speak at each year. I know that whatever I put into the form will appear on the damn badge that I'll need to wear.

Name? ___________ Check – got one of those. Hmm... No space for middle name, so I guess I'll put both my middle name and last name into the last name box.
Company? __________ Well, let's see. I don't have one, really. Maybe I'll use the title of my latest book instead.
Title? __________ Oh boy. Do I put speaker? Author? I'm not a consultant, so that won't work. For a few weeks I used "evangelist" but then someone asked me what church I preached at. These days I put "Viral Marketing Strategist." It sorta describes what I do. But more importantly, it is a conversation starter while waiting for a (free) drink at the 5:00 happy hour in the exhibit hall of the event that I just keynoted.

Unlike me, Nick Selby has no trouble naming things. The man is a genius. His blog is called, get this, Nick Selby’s Blog. Isn't that a great name?

Anyway, Nick must have really dug deep into my virtual stuff, because he says: "David Meerman Scott is a weird combination of flack, author and self-proclaimed ‘anti-gobbledygook’ vigilante."

Yup. Busted. Except, Nick, you forgot a bunch of other things like speaker, blogger, board member, collector of Apollo moon mission artifacts, and really bad surfer. I could go on.

Nick also found a title I was using a while back "Thought Leadership Strategist" (I know, it's a bit lame. Like saying you’re a "Web 2.0 guru"). Nick asks: "I mean, I agree with, like, so much of what he says, but what the &%$# is an online thought leadership strategist?"

(Disclosure: Nick used a really, really bad word for which I substituted &%$#.)

Nick continued: "Okay, okay, maybe I get it. But I'm calling my mom now to see if she understands it."

Nick: Hi, Mom.
Nick’s Mom: Hi, darling.
Nick: What’s an online thought leadership strategist?
Nick’s Mom: No idea.

Yes, I'm still struggling with what to call myself and I thank Nick for pointing out the difficulties in assigning a title to what I do. For now, I'll stick with "Viral Marketing Strategist." Anyone got any better ideas?

I thought about copying Nick's title and just being "head." See what I mean? Nick is an absolute wizard at naming things. I mean the man's title is "head" – is that awesome or what?

Nicks bio: "As head of The 451 Group's security practice area, I engage regularly with vendors and the enterprise IT investment community, speak with vendors, and analyze business and technology in IT security. I use this blog to record several types of information I gather in this process, but most of all as a vehicle to freeze in time some of the best marketing blather and gobbeldygook corpo-speak handed to me in lieu of English."

But then I called my mom to ask her what she thought of this title choice:

Me: Hi, Mom.
Mom: Hi, honey.
Me: What’s [insert Nick’s title here].
Mom: [silence]
Me: Mom, hello? Mom, are you there?

Nick Selby, keep up the good work. We've got to continue to ferret out gobbledygook wherever we find it. I salute you too, sir!

Comments

[Dave]

For title, how about just 'Guru' ;-)

[Glenn Nicholas]

Nick might painstakingly avoid stepping into his own trap of using the word solution...

But if we are looking at blather as it is practiced by analysts and consultants, what about the far more serious crime of 'misue of the enterprise word in job titles'. Google says guilty I think: "nick selby" +enterprise

[Adam]

How about just "Marketing Strategist"? Haven't we reached the point where all of this is simply marketing?

On the subject of "gobbeldygook corpo-speak." What about the use of the word "process"? To quote Selby: "I use this blog to record several types of information I gather in this process..."

Everything is a "process." People use this word to make whatever they are talking or writing about seem more important than it really is: the marketing process, the writing process, the process of management...

What about just saying marketing or writing or management?

For the record, Mr. Scott makes this mistake throughout his fantastic book "The New Rules of Marketing & PR."

To wit: In the process of reading his book, I was greatly enlightened vis-a-vis the possibilities of the viral marketing process...haha.

Gobbeldygook of the worst kind.

[Tony Darrick Baker]

Sounds like a job for a job title generator.

http://www.google.com/search?q=job+title+generator

But seriously though. David I would classify you as:

Philosopher of Humanity Online
or
Online Human Behavior Philosopher
or
Interconnected Human Behaviorist

[Dianna Huff]

David, Funny post! Thank you. And we're all guilty of gobbledygook -- it creeps up on you like mold.

[Lisa Solomon]

David, you might want to talk to whoever is running your AdWords campaigns. I just googled The New Rules of Marketing and PR, and the top (sponsored) result says "David Meerman Scott Thought Leadership Strategist."

[Nic Darling]

Weary of similar decision making and finding my official title a little boring, I have taken to inventing new professions at networking events and seminars. The end result is people talk to you, even if only to ask what the hell your name tag means. This conversation seems like the important part to me.

Recent Titles:
Poet
Boozer
Geek
Meta Marketer

[David Meerman Scott]

Good ones, Nic.

At a recent event, I saw someone with a nametag that said

"Hello, my name is..
DRUNK"

People were talking to him!

[Susan Rubinsky]

Geek is nice but Dork is better. Dorks have a higher level of concsciousness about themselves than geeks do. Dorks understand that they are geeks but that they must find some kind of way communicate with all the Corporates to attempt to get buy-in for new marketing initiatives.

Seriously, I've been using "Internet Marketing Strategist" for about 6 months now and it's the best one I've some up with yet. It sounds Corporate but it's about something new. Serious Dork territory.

[Randy Marks]

Holy Crap-A-Rooni!! My RSS has been carpet bombed by the same post for weeks on end. If this post was a horse we would shoot it.